My Romantic Comedy proved more work than I expected
by Mattaku
Summary: An honest attempt at a fluffy romance story starring our favourite loner and his sly kouhai. Will try and make it a more or less coherent story, but first fanfic ever so no promises. Feedback welcome, enjoy the read.
1. Ch 1 - Isshiki Iroha is trouble

**Ch1**

To work is to lose. This has been my motto for years, and it would have stayed that way forever if it had been up to me. I would have written it down in neat calligraphy, framed and nailed it to the wall above my bed but that would have meant work so… no. However, recently it seems that things staying the same and me enjoying a peaceful existence may not be completely up to me. The main source of this is approaching, if my loner-senses detect the right set of footsteps coming towards the Service Club room. They sounded eager and somehow meddlesome, pausing outside only for a second before...

"Senpaaaaai. Your cute kohai needs help!"

Even before the door is fully opened Isshiki had already started talking – does this girl never shut up? Also, who refers to themselves as 'cute', seriously? Maybe I overestimated her foxiness.

"Isshiki-san, could you please knock before entering?" Yukinoshita's look could have frozen oceans, proving I don't call her the Ice Queen for nothing. If that'd been me, she'd have me shivering meekly in a corner by now. It didn't seem to faze Isshiki though, who immediately grabbed a chair and moved to sit down opposite me. Haven't you heard of personal space woman?! A guy might misunderstand you know.

"Yahallo Yukinoshita-senpai, Yui-senpai"; she said with a cheery wave in their direction before turning to me. "Mouhou. Senpai, you're supposed to come to my aid immediately when I ask it of you! You need to take responsibility after all!" Ugh, unbelievable, she's still going on about that. Well, I guess she does have a point.

"Yahallo Iroha-chan" Yuigahama stopped tapping on her phone like an idiot and welcomed Isshiki into the room with one of her trademark smiles. Seriously, where and why did that stupid greeting originate? And how do I stop it from spreading to Komachi before it's too late…

"Senpai, it's rude to ignore me you knooow".

It seems I was stuck in another of my loner monologues. "Sorry Isshiki, I was distracted and thinking about my sister, what did you need me for this time? More grunt work?"

This completely normal, caring and, frankly, genuine response failed to get an appropriate reaction from my fellow club members and Isshiki, all of whom looked at me with disgust on their faces. Luckily I was used to it by now.

"We really need to have a talk about your sis-con tendencies one of these days Hikigaya-kun, I am starting to fear for Komachi-san's wellbeing as well as my chastity when I'm near you".

"Hey, that is uncalled for! When have I ever been a threat to your chastity?" Not that there was much to be a threat to, but even I knew better than to say that out loud.

Before Yukinoshita could reply, probably with something concerning contacting the relevant law-enforcement authorities, Isshiki decided that she'd not been the centre of our attention for long enough.

"Senpai! As student council president I need your help, so come with me now, or else... you know what!" she whispered to me, adding only a wink and her trademark sly grin.

This again – Isshiki keeps blackmailing me with the receipts and pictures she takes of our practice dates, and if Yuigahama and Yukinoshita ever found out there'd be hell to pay, I was sure of it. Something involving betrayal of trust, disgusting, sacred bond between Senpai and Kohai, disgust, pervertedness, disgust, accusations of me blackmailing the Fox instead of the other way around, followed by more disgust, etc. Not a desirable outcome by any means, as I am sure you will agree. I had best find a way to end this vile Fox's disruption of my private time soon, as the amount of receipts only kept increasing with each practice date she dragged me onto.

"All right, I'll come and help out – but it better not be heavy lifting again, my arms are still sore from yesterday! Besides, slave labour is illegal in Japan you know, and even if it wasn't the lovely city of Chiba would never sanction it". I stood up and walked to the door with a now smiling Isshiki in tow – now that she'd gotten what she wanted she was acting all pleasant and cute again. Wait, what did I just think? I must be confusing her with Totsuka.

"Yes, yes, Senpai. Don't worry, it really isn't all that much I'm asking of you today – besides, aren't I worth it? Tee-hee. Tell you what, I'll reward you with some of that sweet coffee you like so much". Isshiki was nearly pushing me out of the door as she said this.

This prospect brightened me up considerably. "Oh, Max… Free Max! Well, in that case I guess I can help you out once more – thanks Iroha." Wait, what did I just say? Twice in two minutes now my thoughts have been corrupted – release me from this spell and let me return to my loner ways!

"Hikki!"

"Hikigaya-kun, apologise to Isshiki-san this instant!"

"Senpai, did you think calling me by my first name would make me fall in love with you? So brazen! I will admit I felt touched by your efforts for the briefest of moments, but if you really want me to date you you'll have to try harder than that."

All that as a result of me trying to be appreciative and not complain too much for once… that's what you get I suppose. I take back everything I said about helping her out… to work is to lose after all. Gods of Romcom, give me back my peaceful life!


	2. Ch 2 - The student council is trouble

**Ch2**

 ***AN:** Thanks everyone for the feedback, reviews and corrections. I'll do my best to keep working on the story steadily. Goal for now is updating at least once a week, twice if time permits it.*

To work is to lose. This has been my motto for years, but lately my peaceful existence keeps getting interrupted by others. Now, if it had been my adorable little sister who I would have needed to help out I would, of course, have risen to the challenge willingly – anything for you my dear Komachi, the world's nr1. Sister! Sadly however, it was not my sweet sister but my cunning fox of a kohai who kept bothering me to help her out. What's worse, I was in no position to refuse her and she knew it. What did I ever do to deserve this? All I ever wanted was to be left alone, but right now I was walking towards the student council room with Isshiki at my side, no doubt getting dragged into another of her schemes. Totsuka-sama, save me!

"Senpaaai, you should really put in a bit more energy into not looking like you're about to die out of annoyance when I enlist your services you knooow. You should feel grateful to be able to help out someone like me – lots of guys would like to actually". Isshiki seemed to be in a jocular mood today.

"Why don't you go ask them and let me live out my life in peace then?" I was not feeling particularly jovial and was annoyed that she'd interrupted my train of thoughts just when I was getting to a good part.

"Hmpf. Like that huh? Fine Senpai, it's because you can be really reliable when you want to. That and you owe me so I can make you help me out whenever. You're a very convenient servant ehm, senpai you know Senpai." She beamed a sly little smile my way before swiftly turning it into a pout. "It'd be even better if you didn't complain as much though, I'd almost think you didn't like hanging out with me - I mean didn't like helping me of course, hehe".

Ah, so it was convenience that made her choose me as her favourite workhorse. I could understand that, not having to put in much effort is a definite plus. It's one of the reasons why I like staying in my room on weekends so much, all the required amenities are there and the rest of Chiba was close by – bliss. But I digress.

As expected of Isshiki and her foxiness, while the upside was that she didn't have to do much herself, the downside was that the effort expended instead was all done by someone else – me to be precise. An unacceptable and highly undesirable situation which I would have to find a way to remedy a.s.a.p. The question was how to be less convenient without abandoning her completely – it was after all partly thanks to my machinations that she had become Stuco President, and as much as I didn't like her continuously reminding me of this, I had to take some responsibility for that. The swiftest way out for me would probably be to complain a bit more, it might just do the job and I'd soon have more time to read my novels and enjoy my weekends in peace. Yes, this would definitely work, not even Yukinoshita could've thought up a better plan.

"You know Isshiki, blackmailing or guilt-tripping people into doing something does tend to make them resent the task you set them. Besides, work is not for me you now, not now, not ever. It's just too tiresome and makes me feel like a slave to this corrupt system called society. As you may recall, my chosen career path is that of a house husband."

"Ugh, don't remind me Senpai, stop saying like it's something to be proud of. I will really need to pull that weird thought out of your mind. I was talking about this with Yukinoshita-senpai and Yui-senpai the other day and they agree with me that it's absolutely disgusting". Isshiki sighed. "Besides, it seems you totally missed the point as usual – you really are hopeless at this sort of thing aren't you? Remind me to dock you one hundred points next time we go out. Have I told you yet today that you are an idiot, Senpai?" With that she opened the door to the student-council room, stuck out her tongue at me and went inside. I could hear mumblings of 'hopeless, idiot, stupid, moron' on the other side.

How does she say things like 'next time we go out' so brazenly? What if people hear and misunderstand? Your reputation would be sure to suffer and I'd have even more to take responsibility for. For someone so sneaky you really ought to think more before you speak up.

My loner mind had a couple of things to process at this point. Firstly, I had to prevent that 'next time we go out' – I had barely survived the last of our so-called practice dates and ended up exhausted at home with not even enough energy to go to the convenience store to stock up on Maxx coffee. Luckily Komachi did so for me. Oh my wonderful sister, what would your brother ever do without you? Yukinoshita had even excused me from club the following Monday, claiming that I seemed 'even more zombie-esque than usual' and that I 'should avoid infecting her or Yuigahama-san with my Hikki-germia'.

Which brings me to my second item, what exactly did Isshiki mean when she talked about me with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama? This was bad, there was no chance this could produce anything remotely positive. I sure hope Isshiki hadn't shared the receipts…. Surely not! I would have noticed that much, right? Right? Was it too late to ask Sensei to take me into protective custody?

"Senpai! Stop being moody outside and come in already. It's rude to keep a girl waiting you know, especially if she's as cute as me!" Isshiki called. Again this fox interrupts my crucial thought processes. As my mind readjusted, I replied absentmindedly. "Yes, yes, you're the cutest. I'm coming in." With that, I finally stepped into the Student Council room, only to be immediately harassed and misunderstood.

"What was that jut now Senpai? That sounded dangerously like you were attempting to hit on me. And while I generally like compliments, you shouldn't do that in such a casual tone. I am sorry, you really will need to try a bit harder than that in order to win me over, so for now I will have to decline".

Having heard this a million times before, I waved it off, earning myself a muffled huff from my bothersome kohai. Isshiki was sat in between the student council's secretary and Vice President. I nodded to them in greeting before getting to the point. "All right, Isshiki, let's hear it. What did you need me for this time?"

Before she could answer, the secretary leaned over to her and whispered something into her ear. Maybe this is where Isshiki gets her misinformation on personal space. How did these people get elected to the council with that attitude? Whatever it was secretary-chan was saying, it certainly had an effect on Isshiki – she turned all red and jumped up from her seat, dragging the secretary along with her as she moved towards the door. "VP-kun will explain Senpai, I need to have an urgent discussion with secretary-chan here. Be a good senpai!". Pushing the secretary out, she swiftly pulled the door close after herself.

I looked at the closing door and reminded myself once again that normal people were weird – books were infinitely better, they made much more sense and not as much noise. I was left with the Vice President hoping that Isshiki wouldn't forget about my free Max. It would be the only thing to make this task even remotely bearable after all.

The student council's Vice President – Isshiki really should give me his and the secretary's names one of these days, or maybe she had and I'd simply forgotten again - invited me to sit down next to him, and I walked around the desk to join him. "You have my sympathies Hikigaya-senpai. While I respect her ability as our president, she can be quite a handful. I can only imagine how tough you must have it as her boyfriend. Now, as per the president's orders, your task for today is simple: we are slightly behind on our administrative duties, if you could help me double-check these minutes and other documents, that would be great".

I could only stare at him blankly while processing his completely absurd analysis.

"Hikigaya senpai? These minutes… we are seriously behind and according to Isshiki-san you are really good at..."

I held up my hand to stop him rambling on. I needed to stop this rumour now, before it would tarnish Isshiki's reputation and bring me additional work. "We will get to that soon. What's this about me being Isshiki's boyfriend?! Are you joking or something?"

The idea was laughable. Firstly, there was no way she would even consider the thought, she liked Hayama, right? She said so herself. Secondly, she was foxy for sure but I am fairly certain I'd know if I were dating someone, the chances of which were – incidentally – about the same as Yuigahama winning an IQ test. Thirdly, she was way too cute for me and deserved someone who could make her happy. Wait, what was that thought? Never mind for now. Two valid reasons are plenty for this not to happen. Note to self: may need to investigate this later.

"Hikigaya-senpai, you mean to say you and the president aren't dating?"

"Of course not, what a ridiculous notion! Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I see... well, if you say so. No particular reason, it just always looks like the two are enjoying your banter so much... it's almost like flirting I guess, haha. I apologise for my assumption. Let's just focus on our task then?" God, this was awkward, how did normal people deal with this?

With a nod I acquiesced to his request. Halfway through the second pile of minutes and memo's, I suddenly realised that apparently this task was less bothersome than conversation. Admittedly, the conversation was about the fox and myself dating, and such an inquisition into my private life was certainly tiresome, but still. What has happened to me to prefer work above something else? I could only be certain of one thing: this was all Isshiki's fault. Romcom gods, give me back my peaceful life!

*AN: Somehow continuing this was more difficult than starting it.. did not expect that. Still lots of fun to write though. Hope it didn't disappoint. Already got some fun ideas (if I do say so myself) for the next chapters.*


	3. Ch 3 - Coffee and spice is trouble

CH3 – Coffee and spice

 _*_ _ **AN:**_ _Thanks again for the reviews and advice so far. Truly grateful as a new writer that all of you take the time to read my humble story. I apologise for taking so long to update, and can only promise it won't happen again – ch4 is halfway done already. If anyone has any advice on how to keep the writing output more consistent I'd love to hear it. Now, on with the HachiXIroha show.*_

To work is to lose, this has been my motto as long as I can remember. As a loner, I usually do not have much work to do anyway, with the possible exception of Hiratsuka Sensei's essays that I (oh, the injustice!) often need to rewrite. So why am I helping Isshiki and her student council today? And where is my promised MAX coffee? All of this is decidedly fishy, or in this case, maybe foxy. I demand compensation!

In any case, I had been assisting the student council as per Isshiki's request. Well, I say request. It was actually more like a command with an added touch of blackmail, which was disguised as a request by means of a pretty smile. I may actually regret helping Isshiki become Sobu High's student president – it is turning out to be pretty dangerous, and not just for me, what will happen when my lovely Komachi starts here next year?! Having helped the VP out with something that came real close to actual work for far too long I bade him farewell to find myself a can of liquid caffeinated heaven. Isshiki was supposed to get me one but she was still nowhere to be found, treason! I knew she could not be trusted, indeed, no girl can according to my loner code. A free piece of advice: trust no one, then your trust will not be betrayed. And after all that work I put in too – life was definitely unfair. The only upside of today so far being that as I was helping out the student council, I did not have to endure as many taunts from Yukinoshita. Not that I was spared from them completely, she sends the occasional one by text ('Hikigaya-kun, what do you mean, 'help out' the student council? Wouldn't you best help them by staying far away?). As I arrived at my favourite vending machine – the one near my lunch spot – I heard voices from around the corner.

"Well Iroha-chan, that sure is an interesting plan you have there – I hope it will work out, good luck!".  
"Hehe, it will Sakura-chan, it can't fail – I have put too much effort into this and I really do like him. If only he could take a hint… he is so hopelessly dense sometimes".

Ah, so that's where Isshiki and the secretary were. Should really try and remember her name too. Seems like they are talking about Hayama, damn normie. All right, let's be polite and ignore their chatter. Instead, I should focus instead on the important things here, things like my Max coffee. Money inserted, sugary bliss in 3,2,1. I took out the can and was just preparing to take my first sip when the duo I heard before walked into view. "Yo" I spoke, while nodding before lifting the drink up to my mouth and clogging down a few sips. This was heaven. Oh Max, I can always count on you!

"Senpai! H-h- how long have you been here? How much did you hear? Are you stalking me or something? That's like, seriously creepy you knooow. I don't mind as much if it's you but still". A shocked Isshiki, now this was a rare sight indeed! Also, don't make jokes like that, a guy might misunderstand. Just be glad it wasn't Hayama and be more careful what you talk about in school hallways.

"Can't a guy get some Maxx these days without being accused of stalking? You are starting to sound like Yukinoshita. Besides, you owed me one so it's actually your fault that I am here Isshiki." Hah, let's see her talk her way out of that one. I am decidedly in the right here. What are you getting so worked up about anyway? I had best calm her down or it would mean trouble for me. Don't ask me how but I knew from experience by now that this would be the inevitable result of a distressed Isshiki. "I only heard the last part about putting in effort, and I already knew you liked Hayama so it's not like I heard something you didn't tell me about before".

The girls looked at me for a second before exchanging glances and sighing deeply. "You were right Iroha chan.. utterly hopeless. Not unexpected but still. Well, I'd best be heading back to the council room, see you both later". With a wave, she left us behind at the vending machine.

"Geez Senpai, I am really not sure to be glad about you not hearing anything else, but just how dense are you? So annoying. Never mind, your kohai is thirsty". After that swift and confusing bit of chatter, Isshiki grabbed the can straight out of my hand and.. "Oi, that's my Max you just…." I felt the blood rushing to my head. I had just drank from that myself just now you know… you'd seen me do it too… how brazen.. no! No, can't get the wrong idea about this, and anyway, why would I care anyway? Now, if it had been Totsuka whose lips had just touched my coffee can…

"Ah that was refreshing Senpai, thank you for that!" Isshiki made to hand me back the now half empty can. "Keep it!" Damn, I sounded panicky and was trying my best to maintain my composure, but there was no way I could possibly drink from that now.

"No Senpai, it's yours and you should have it back, I wouldn't want to steal it from you.. hehehe". Isshiki pushed the can back into my hands. I was really not sure whether or not I could believe her. "All yours Isshiki". I pushed it right back into her hands, which felt surprisingly soft and small.

Some back and forth haggling with the can lead to a stalemate. There we stood, far too close for comfort, facing each other with my hands wrapped around Isshiki's which were in turn holding the aforementioned half-empty can of Max coffee. This was bad, how did I get into this situation again? If someone spotted us now they would definitely get the wrong idea.. hell, even I am almost getting the wrong idea from this. It is the wrong idea, right? There's no way this was her intention, right? Not like I would ever know for sure, she was far too unpredictable.

Neither of us spoke or moved for a moment, but then I was met with another classic Isshiki rejection-spiel. I have endured so much of these that I can actually almost see them coming now. As she smiled that sneaky yet somehow surprisingly sweet smile of hers, she began. "Senpai, though it's very cute that you want to hold my hands like this, it's also faintly disgusting and… WHOA! Senpai!".

Her words had really driven home to me what we'd actually been doing, and I had abruptly moved my hands away and caused the can to tip over in the process. Now Isshiki's hands were completely covered in Max. Oops.

"It's your fault stupid Senpai, if only you would have taken back the can. Hmpf. You should take responsibility and clean up this mess!".

Sigh, now this was normal, this I could handle.. sort of. "I am really sorry Isshiki, let's get you to the bathroom and clean you up."

"Well, I'll be in your care then Senpai!" For some reason she sounded almost happy as she said that. Isshiki walked alongside me and gradually grumbled less and less about my carelessness. Soon she was chattering away, almost as chirpy as Yuigahama. Weird, I would have thought she'd be angrier. Maybe luck was on my side today. Yeah, right. The day that happened Yukinoshita's temper would mellow and Yuigahama would start being a loner. More likely she had just thought of another devious scheme. Woe betide the poor bastard who she had targeted this time. It was probably Hayama, and with that thought I realized I could even feel sorry for normies like him. Just a little.

When we arrived Isshiki made me promise to wait, she knew me well enough by now to know that if she did not I would be gone before long. I tried to protest, but as per usual it had about as much effect as my protestations against most injustices in this world – none. After a thorough cleanse of her hands, Isshiki came out of the girls' room. "Hey Senpai… I was just thinking, I have been working really hard these past few days to make the student council a success right?"

If by that you mean you've made me work like a devil doing odd jobs for you, then yes. Obviously I was wise enough not to say that – even a loner like me has that much social skills, or it might just be my survival instinct. I opted instead for grunting in what I hoped was an affirmative tone.

It was not affirmative enough, Isshiki was clearly annoyed with me again, judging from her puffed up cheeks. My people skills may suck but my observational skills were second to none! "Geez Senpai, would it kill you to respond with a little more enthusiasm?"

It just might at that.. then again, with the way Isshiki was glaring at me now, so might not doing as she requested. "Yes, you have been working hard, I am so proud of you too." This earned me a wide smile that slowly turned into a smirk. Wait, why do I have the feeling I walked into another of her traps?

"That means I deserve a reward then Senpai! I'll see you at 10.00 tomorrow for another practice date then. Be sure to wear something nice this time!"

Wait.. what? Red alert, all hands to battle stations.

"You didn't even ask if I had any plans tomorrow!" I had to try and talk my way out of this somehow, I had been planning to catch up on all the latest anime series and maybe take a nap or two – important loner business which could not be postponed.

"Well obviously you don't Senpai, you are Senpai after all, hehe".

Somehow I felt that bringing up my previous thoughts would not benefit me at all, so I opted for a different track. "I refuse."

"Oh well, that is of course an option Senpai – you are a free man, well.." She looked me up and down and grimaced "free creature.. after all."

Stop insulting me woman! Yukinoshita is rubbing off on you. I can take the insults, but with you looking like that it might just hurt a little. I am a perfectly fine male, thank you very much. Still, I will take what I can get, if being called a creature was the price to pay for freedom, it was worth it. It is rare enough that I can get Isshiki to back down. Maybe she was not quite as bad as I always claim she is. "Thank you Isshiki".

"Free Senpai does need to ask himself though… how big are the odds of certain receipts from previous dates somehow finding their way into the Service Clubroom? It would not be any of my doing if they suddenly appeared there, trust me…" With that, she winked at me, stuck out her tongue and very slowly turned around and started to walk away.

Strike down that earlier thought, she's exactly as cunning and conniving as I always claim. This was bad… forgive me Vita-chan, looks like I'll be cheating on you again tomorrow. Anything to keep those receipts away from Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. "Isshiki…." I gulped. "What time did you want to me to meet you tomorrow again? I look forward to it already". Who says I never learn? Still, that's another day tomorrow without any rest… when will this end? RomCom gods, give me back my peaceful life!

* **AN:** Finally published another chapter. Once again, sorry for taking so long. Already halfway done with chapter 4 as well, so with a bit of luck I'll be more consistant in updating from now on. Hope this chapter was as much fun to read as I had writing it (I'll take half as fun too).*


	4. Ch 4- (Practice) dates are trouble

**CH4 – (Practice) dates are trouble**

 ***AN*** Thought this would be quicker than the earlier ones, turned out to be lengthier instead. Ah well, on with my favourite Oregairu ship! *****

To work is to lose, that has always been my motto. The fact that I have no say in whether or not my life works out that way or not is proof that society as it stands is immoral and corrupt. Yukinoshita should hurry up and change it already, if anyone can it'd be her. I would but… it's work. The source of my frustration this morning was, as usual these days, that sneakiest of kohais, the kitsune of craftiness herself, Isshiki 'the Fox' Iroha.

Under threat of exposing our previous practice dates to my fellow club members and Komachi I was once again meeting Isshiki in front of Chiba station. For non-natives (you poor souls!) that means the east entrance, obviously. Today was Sunday, time was fast approaching the ungodly hour of 10.00 and I was hungry. "You'd best be on time Isshiki, or I might just starve". I mumbled to myself, feeling half delusional with hunger and particularly sorry for myself. As if dragging me out of the comfort of my own house on a Sunday was not bad enough, Isshiki had expressed a desire to go out for something she called a brunch. Apparently this meant that I was not allowed to breakfast beforehand as it would, and I quote, "totally spoil the mood even worse than it already would be just from you being there, Senpai". Still, a practice date with food was better than one without I supposed.

"Senpai, yahalloo!" Isshiki came walking towards me, dressed not in her school uniform but in an outfit not too dissimilar to the one she wore last time. Her beige-white coat accentuated the colour of her hair, her small heels made her legs look just a bit taller. All in all, it looked good on her, especially in certain ehm… feminine areas that would make a certain Ice Queen very envious indeed. It looked so good that I decided it would be very difficult to say anything about it. I could already feel a comment coming in about what my dead-fish eyes were doing and where were they looking anyway. So, as a wise loner, I decided to ignore Isshiki's outfit altogether and not say anything. No doubt it would be the best course of action here. After all, no one has ever been jailed for not doing anythingg right?

"Yo Isshiki" I gave a little wave and a small nod "Glad you made it."

"Senpai! What's this? Are you trying to hit on me again? Sorry, but you'll have to try again later, I'm too hungry to focus now. But you never know Senpai, today might be your lucky day, tee-hee". She finished off with a winkher wannabe-cute V-sign which looked far sweeter than I was willing to admit even to myself. Wait… didn't I just… must be the hunger.

"Let's hurry to the restaurant shall we? I have been standing around here for far too long, it is freezing cold and I'm hungry too. Looks like we finally have something in common." With that brilliant joke I turned around and started walking in the direction of the restaurant Isshiki had me pick. I had been given specific instructions that anything resembling Saize or that even remotely involved ramen was out of the question, so I had actually had to do a bit of research beforehand and was feeling like I was acing this practice-date thing. Maybe for once I would not end with near-negative points. Not that I cared. Or kept track of Isshiki's scoring system. Why would I? Still, it would be nice… but no, that would never happen! Yuigahama scoring full marks on her next test would have better odds.

"Senpai, what did I tell you last time?" Isshiki began to rant as she fell into place beside me. "You are not supposed to tell your date that she has made you wait, you should stop it with you internal complaining, and while I'm at it, a good date should ask his partner how she is doing or something along those lines at the very least. Honestly Senpai, it is like our first date all over again, hopeless…".

"Our first pracice date you mean?"

"Ehh? Oh, ehm, yes, that's right Senpai". A dark look and ominous sigh suggested that I was missing something here but despite my impressive logical deduction skills I could not figure out what. Must be some normie-thing. Trying to get back into Isshiki's good graces, I decided to indeed ask her how she was doing, at which she huffed and complained about how "Senpai is as spontaneous as a brick wall, as usual", but still seemed glad to respond.

I let her drone on for a bit while she complained about some school related issues, nodding and agreeing in what seemed to be the appropriate moments. From the fact that I did not get yelled at all it seemed to do the trick, crisis averted. After about 5 minutes of Isshiki's near incessant chatter we had finally arrived at Café L'amour. According to my research, which had consisted mainly of secretly browsing through some of Komachi's girly magazines (helping your brother out again, such a wonderful sister!) this seemed to be a popular place. The kind that Isshiki would like while not being crowded enough to make me want to kill everyone the instant we walked in. Plus, it was centrally located meaning my travel time was limited – I would not let this pointless exercise take any more of my free time than absolutely necessary. Guerrilla tactics were dirty, but it was probably the only thing I could to fight back against Isshiki with some measure of success. Mainly because she did not know it was happening. I held no illusions as to what would happen if she did.

"Hey Senpai, this place actually looks acceptable. Maybe you are learning something after all, just more slowly than most people. There may be some hope for you yet".

"Thanks Isshiki, that's very kind of you to say but I rather doubt it. I will probably mess up something else soon and be back to square one". Remaining realistic to avoid disappointment was part of Loner-101.

"Geez Senpai, learn to accept a compliment for once. That was a genuine comment you know! Oh, and learn to read the mood - are you not going to hold open the door for me? Even someone as useless as you should know that much by now".

I resisted the urge to tell her that in public places, men should enter before women according to the rules of Etiquette (I once spent a futile 5 minutes trying to get Yuigahama to spell the word correctly), and settled for the fact that she had just proved me previous point while I opened the door for her as instructed while apologising profusely.

"Sorry Isshiki, I will try harder from now on". I even made a shallow bow to emphasise my point further. It had nothing to do with being able to stare at her shapely legs that way. Honest.

"You better had Senpai! You have just lost all the points you had earned for picking this location, you knooow". That meant I would have to try harder the rest of today… just my luck.

I followed her in, pondering that girls speaking like that was really annooooyiiiing and not at all cute, no matter what my inner voice said. But I did not voice that thought. Hikigaya Hachiman, master of romance, that's me.

Upon entering, we were immediately guided towards a booth in a quiet corner of the place, and ordered some breakfast tea for Isshiki and a coffee for me before browsing the menu.

"Senpai, Senpai!" I looked up from the menu at a beaming Isshiki. "What?"  
Not even my short reply could quench her enthusiasm for whatever it was she had in mind it seemed. This was going to be bad. "Senpai, we should totally have the couple's brunch!"

"Sorry, could you say that again? Only I thought you said 'couple's brunch'.. I must not be fully awake yet".

"Mouhou, Senpai you jerk! That's exactly what I said and you know it. As punishment for pretending not to hear me I won't give you a choice in this anymore".

Her tone somehow sounded very happy for someone dealing out punishment, I wonder why. I considered telling her that I did not pretend anything and was just double checking but decided against it. I knew by now that protesting would only make things worse, sometimes it was better to just do as Isshiki said. It would be less work to just acquiesce sometimes. Choose your battles Hachiman.

The moment our couple's brunch arrived though I immediately made a mental note not ever to let Isshiki have her way again. I had expected two of everything to match, so to speak. However, from the croissants and the omelette to the brownies and even the orange juice, there was one large portion of everything that we had to share.

"Looks delicious right Senpai?" Isshiki said, smiling sweetly, almost as if she was not at fault for all this. My life is so screwed-up! What did I do to deserve this? I demand a fair trial, or a separate cup at least!

Ignoring my obvious discomfort, as per usual, Isshiki then went in to clamp the final nail into my coffin. Leaning in, she whispered to me "Senpai, look at the couple in the opposite booth… we should do that as well, it'd be good practice. It might even score you a few points".

On our left was another booth in which a couple who had also ordered the couple's brunch were feeding each other parts from the breakfast and sipping from their juice right after each other. It was positively sickening and way too normie to even comprehend. I turned to Isshiki and was dead-set on refusing her, but before I could I was silenced by Isshiki, who placed a finger on my lips.

"Senpai, before you say anything", Isshiki started, in a voice laced with sugar and honey, "please bear in mind that this will be the only way in which I will allow you to have any of this delicious food".

She saw my incredulous look and added "I'm serious about this Senpai, you have to take responsibility after all".

That again, she really took that too far. I was about to bluff and boldly claim that I could endure that. However, just as I opened my mouth to speak my stomach let out a loud groan, causing Isshiki to giggle softly and look very pleased with herself. Once, just once, I would like not to be led around by this sneaky fox. Knowing my luck though, it would probably never happen.

After another minute in which I tried to first find a way out, then coming to terms with another defeat, I nodded at Isshiki. She beamed me a bright smile and indicated that she would prefer to start with one of the strawberries that dotted the breakfast dishes. I was unsure which was redder, that strawberry or my face as I pricked one onto my fork and held it out to my kouhai so she could have a bite. "Delicious Sempai! It tastes all the better when you help me somehow. Looks like we finally found a use for you, teehee. Now it's my turn!".

Without pausing for even a second, she quickly had pitched another one on her fork and held it out towards me. This time I knew for sure, the strawberry Isshiki held my way did not hold a candle to my face, which was as red as Hiratsuka Sensei's car. After swallowing the small strawberry she had fed me, I managed to croak out a hoarse "Tha… thank you Isshiki".

"You're welcome Senpai. No need to look so embarrassed by the way, we are on a date after all so this is fine". Isshiki positively glowed and looked genuinely happy. A guy could easily fall for a girl who looks like that. Not me though, I was immune, naturally. These were just my observation skills at work. I decided not to correct her about it being a practice date for once, and started cutting up the croissant so we could continue with that.

Maybe this whole couple's brunch thing was not so bad after all, I pondered midway through our meal. Isshiki certainly seemed to enjoy herself, and to be honest once I got over the initial embarrassment it was, I suppose, entertaining to eat together like this. Just the once, of course. I wonder why that thought left me feeling slightly sad. This whole feeding each other thing was a sort of new skill, in a way. Hachiman's 109 skills… hmm that didn't sound quite right, I would need to work on that. The fact that the food was great helped too, it tasted wonderfully and there was plenty of it. All in all, I was in a pretty good mood by now.

"Hey Isshiki.." I mentioned, in between being fed a piece of brownie and something that might have once been part of our croissant but was now unrecognisable as anything other than squashed dough, "this was actually a pretty good idea of you, thanks for letting me come".

"What's this Senpai? Are you hitting on me again? You really don't have to as we are already on a date right now, but I may not be completely disgusted if you try again some other time - you really should Senpai".

"Yea, yea, don't worry I wasn't … here, have the last piece of muffin".

After finishing our meal I paid the bill ("It is a date after all Senpai!), another reason why this farce needs to stop as quickly as possible. That and I am in serious danger of falling behind on this season's anime and manga due to a chronic lack of time. It's so unfair, why should I have to pay so that she can practice dating Hayama anyway? Damn that blonde normie.

Upon exiting the café, I enquired as to today's score for our practice date. I have to keep calling it that to avoid any possible confusion, especially with Isshiki sometimes mentioning it as a date by accident. She pondered about it as we made our way back to the station. "So far Senpai I suppose you have done adequatey – well done for informing by the way, I did not know you had it in you. Remember this Senpai, girls find this important as it means you care for their opinion."

"If I wanted a lecture I would have gone to Hiratsuka-Sensei or Yukinoshita" I mumbled, apparently too loud.

"And what girls do NOT like, Senpai, is their date mentioning other girls. Nor is the lecturing comment appreciated. Jeez, just when I thought there was some hope for us – ehm, I mean for you Senpai."

She wagged her finger in front of my face like a metronome. Stop that women, I'll get dizzy. And don't get so close, I can smell your perfume and everything. A hint of roses and something sweet. "It is things like this that make Senpai so hopeless, just when you were well on your way to a highscore… well" she corrected herself with a sardonic grin, "a high score for you." That last bit actually may have hurt a bit, especially after all the effort I put in.

"Senpai, there's only one way for you to get out of the negative points now, especially as we are nearly at Chiba station already. As I'm such a cute and nice person, I'll give you a hint. Boys can earn high points on dates if they really act like a good boyfriend and make romantic gestures. I trust even you know what those might be?" She looked at me smiling devilishly, me being caught like a deer in the headlights. "You'd better hurry though.. I can almost see the station already". With that she turned around and started walking again.

I was staring after her, wondering what on earth I could do. I mentally went through all the manga I'd read recently, was there any inspiration to be found there? The first three things that came to mind were definitely out of the question – it had to be something I was actually capable off of doing.

In the end, there was only one thing that came to mind. I quickly walked after Isshiki, who was about ten paces ahead of me, and while looking at my feet and most certainly not at her face. I did not want to see the probable disgust on there, I grasped her hand with mine. I heard a soft gasp but she made no move to take her hand back, probably out of politeness. With that, hand in hand, we quietly walked back to the station, me looking everywhere but to our intertwined hands.

Once we got there, a slightly flustered looking Isshiki quickly made her excuses and left. "I have to help out my mom this afternoon, I will let you know your score later Senpai. Thanks for today!" Was all I was left with. This left me to ponder about how this whole thing had gotten out of hand so much, I really should start refusing to co-operate with this whole practice date charade. So what if Yuigahama, Yukinoshita or Komachi saw the receipts? I would just tell them I was helping Isshiki out with a request. Yes, that would surely work out. Besides, it was hardly fair to bother Isshiki with my presence so much. If I did that, maybe my life would finally return to normal. A win-win solution for sure.

Having arrived that conclusion, I resolved to inform Isshiki of my decision as soon as I got home. I was stopped dead in my tracks by Komachi as soon as I entered though. "Welcome back! Did you have fun today? Hmmm? Where were you anyway? Was it a service club outing?"

"Ehh yes it sort of was at that".

"Oh really? Were Yukino-chan and Yui-chan with you?" Komachi had a predatory look on her face. I had better try to end this swiftly and bluff my way through this. "Yes, they were."

"Really? Well, in that case, oh brother of mine… what did they think of you walking hand in hand with another girl?".

Oh crap. This was bad. My earlier explanation did not sound convincing somehow, not even to myself. Komachi had that serious look in her eye now that meant I had better tell the truth this time or I would be dead for sure. I might be anyway. I had never been more removed from normalcy, all that I could do now was pray. Please, Romcom gods, give me back my peaceful life!

 ***AN:** Phew, done. That was the longest chapter yet, pleased with that. Time for some more fun with more characters next. After that, who knows? Considering an Iroha POV chapter at some point, not sure when. Thanks for reading! As always, any feedback is appreciated. Ps, I have figured out that I can reply to reviews now, so I probably will at times & when possible/relevant. Thanks for all the comments so far, very motivating! *****


	5. Ch 5 – My cute little sister is trouble

**Ch5 – Little sisters – no matter how cute – are trouble**

 _*AN: thanks again for the reviews and feedback. While I was happy with the story so far, (yay to fluff and cute romance) it is definitely time for some plot and character development. I agree with some of the reviews: I agree, Hachiman is getting a little too dense. I will try and correct that this chapter, or at least start off that process. Should hopefully make for an interesting chapter. Enjoy the read.*_

My little sister Komachi was, at this very moment, proving that my life's motto (to work is to lose) apples in nearly every situation. It was utterly predictable as I never win against her in the first place, but she had me over a barrel – I was well and truly outmanoeuvred. Which brought me a new insight: even if you have already lost, you can continue to lose. Every second here felt like I was being driven further into a corner. My mind was working overtime, yet I still felt like I was getting no closer to escape. But can I blame my sister for this? No, that would be unfair to say the least, Komachi was not at fault here. No, this was all Isshiki's fault for making me hold her entirely too soft hands, which felt… no, let's not go there Hachiman. Focus! How the hell had Komachi found out about this anyway?

"Well… it's been two minutes, are you going to make your caring sister wait any longer? How did Yui-chan and Yukino-chan feel about you holding that girl's hand? Oh, and onii-chan, that slack-jaw look you have going on right now is not really helping your likeability level, just saying in case you do this in public too." How could my own sister sound so like my mom? Scary!

"Well.. ehm…" Damn it all. Despite my extensive knowledge of Japanese, I seem to have completely and utterly lost the ability to communicate. Maybe I could stall, yes, stalling is good. I held up a hand to Komachi while I considered how things had ended up like this. My practice date with Isshiki had not gone too terribly I suppose, I still held some hopes for a personal high score in my kouhai's sordid scoring system. If I do not take into account my lack of social skills, which according to Isshiki I should not as they are non-existent, everything had gone near perfect until what I am personally referring to in my mind as 'hand-hold-gate'. If only that bit would not have happened… wait. That is it, the perfect way out: denial. It is not a problem if it did not happen. Cannot remember who first said that, it may have been Einstein or possibly some mafia boss from an anime I watched recently. I opened my mouth to speak and…

"Don't even think about denying it either – I have an eye witness report from Tai… a very reliable source, and even a picture to back it up. Fess. Up. Onii-chan."

That shut me up before I had even begun. Thanks a lot Einstein. I never could lie effectively to Komachi, she knows me too well. Which is scary in and of itself. Almost as frightening as that menacing tone she just adopted. Right, let's think about this rationally. Step 1: damage control. Step 2: evasive action. Step 3. Inform Isshiki and match our stories just in case I fail to contain this… whatever this was. "OK Komachi, I will tell you everything on one condition – but it is not what you think, please believe me". Even I knew how this must look to outsiders and I did not want my sister, of all people, to get the wrong idea here. Although that ship had probably sailed by now. I let out a deep sigh. Why is my life always so much work? It really is unfair.

She pondered this for a second. "You are not really in a position to make demands, are you? But I will listen to your story and consider your condition anyway – kiyaa, that should earn me a ton of Komachi points!".

For once, I did not care about points, doing that was what had gotten me into this mess in the first place. "Please Komachi, before I explain everything … whatever you do… do not talk about this to anyone, especially not Yukinoshita or Yuigahama!" I was not entirely sure what would happen, but somehow I had the feeling that Yukinoshita would ensure it would be thoroughly unpleasant. They certainly would not like it. Not that I particularly cared but if I could avoid hurting them, well… that was just common courtesy, right? "If this got out, Isshiki's reputation would be tarnished. Plus, she really likes this other guy and it would be damaging to her chances with him. I was merely helping her practice, you see. I was fulfilling a request".

I was rather proud of that simple yet accurate explanation, even if I did leave out a few details. But this feeling was swiftly repressed by Komachi's response. "So what were you really doing then?"

"Oy! That was exactly what it was, why would you assume it wasn't? I am not as saintly as Yukinoshita, but I rarely lie, especially not to my dear sister".

"Oh really? That would be more convincing if you had not done so earlier, don't you think?"

I did not have a suitable answer for that, so I just nodded. My sister can be so sharp sometimes, nothing gets past her. A bit like Isshiki in that regard, come to think of it. Note to self: never introduce those two.

"Well, while I do not agree with your reason for requesting my silence, I will do it as it's you." Phew, that was a relief. "However Onii-chan, just so you know, I think her reputation would be just fine. After all, nobody knows who you are anyway, hehe. Anyway, as I sa id, I will keep it to myself because that's what caring little sisters do. Though I feel there is more you are not telling me". She gave me a pointed look. My little sister is so shrewd and she knows me so well – maybe too well. "Anyway, so her name is Isshiki! When do I meet her? And again, what were you really doing? Tell me more!"

Seriously, sometimes I wonder if we really have the same genes. "Stop it with the barrage of questions already. I really cannot deal with that right now, your brother has already exceeded his daily social tax".

"Stupid, Nincompoop, Hachiman." My sister grumbled "That would be exceeded by saying two words."

Oi, that's not true! Even I can manage five on a bad day, though obviously I would prefer not to at all. "Stop using my name as an insult please! I will tell you if you let me take a bath afterwards." A nod. "Her full name's Isshiki Iroha, and she's the student council president and a kouhai of mine. I rally was helping her with a request, and no the rest of the Service Club was not involved and does not know about it".

"Ohh this is getting more and more interesting! Iroha-chan… Iroha-chan… sounds like a name I can get used to! So what had you been doing and why does she hold your hand if she likes another guy like you said? Hmmm? I think she can't like him that much!".

This was something I had briefly pondered myself, but had chosen to ignore. As always, Komachi was shrewd enough to spot crucial details. Maybe we really are brother and sister after all, both sharing strewed observation skills. Us and Sherlock Holmes. As I briefly laid out the concept of our practice dates, she requested additional details at every step. Such as exactly who said what to who at which time, where exactly we had gone. It merely increased my feeling of an upcoming headache, but Komachi just kept getting more and more excited for some reason.

"Oh, I'm so happy – maybe I won't have to take care of you for the rest of your life after all and this Isshiki person can do it. I was rooting for Yukino-chan or Yui-chan, but little sisters can't be choosers – especially not with a brother like you". This response, followed by a dark look in my direction, was as enigmatic as it was unhelpful.

"What are you talking about? If anything, I am taking care of her by continuously offering my assistance". I chose to ignore her bigger point. I does not do to dwell on such matters, as loners around the world can attest.

"Yes, I know… and who would have thought? You offering your assistance… repeatedly… to such a cute girl!" "Who said she was cute?" "You did brother, repeatedly just now." Did I? I really need to pay more attention to what I say sometimes. Well, it was no lie at least. Isshiki was pretty cute sometimes. Often. Most of the time. Especially so in this morning's outfit. My thoughts were interrupted again as Komachi continued. "And you even go on", and here she threw up her arms and mimed quotation marks, "practice dates! Practice dates! And she's your type too!"

"I do not have a type, and even if I had, she is definitely not it, she's far too…. foxy." I vehemently opposed this slander. Do I need to get a laywer? I could represent myself, but that would be work. Maybe Yukinoshita would do it if I got her enough pan-san merchandise to compensate her for her time.

"Yes you do onii-chan, you are a sis-con after all, and as a freshman she's obviously younger".

My first thought was that I should never have allowed her into Yuigahama's and Yukinoshita's vicinity, their little joke was clearly rubbing of on my sister. That aside, there might be something to it – not that I would ever admit so out loud. Certainly not to our club's resident Ice Queen. I would rather die, thank you. Anyway, that must be why I sometimes thought Isshiki looked cute, she reminded me of Komachi! Another crisis solved. For a second there I had been thinking it might have been something else. But luckily there was a logical explanation now.

"So onii-chan… these practice dates you go on… how long has this been going on exactly, hmm?"

"For about three months I guess. Komachi, that was your final question, ok? Your brother really needs a relaxing bath now to recover his senses. That should also take about three months." I smiled at my own joke, though Komachi did not seem to appreciate it.

"Ok, thanks for answering my questions!" With that, she gave me a quick hug in apparent thanks for indulging in her questions. Like I could ever refuse my little sister anything. Still, maybe today was not such a complete disaster after all. "Go take your bath now! But we will talk more about this later – for now, I would like you to think about this hypothetical question: do you really think a girl would go on so many", inverted comma gestures again, "Practice dates with anyone, and have him hold her hand, if she was into someone else?"

She had mentioned this earlier as well, but I had ignored it then. I was about to answer that I had no frame of reference for this, but before I could reply I was roughly shoved out of the living room and halfway up the stairs. Finally, peace.

Only after a couple of minutes in the tub did I manage to contemplate an answer to Komachi's final question. It definitely was suspicious, so many practice dates.. and the hand holding definitely warranted some investigation. One thing was for sure, Isshiki was up to something again, I would have to be on my guard. I resolved not to be caught unawares and decided that I would try and figure out her ulterior motive before getting out of the bath.

Komachi must have spotted it, whatever it was. Not sure if her great social skills or the fact that her personality matched Isshiki's at times that made her figure it out before me. Maybe even female intuition. I chuckled quietly at that thought before coming to a worrying realisation. Maybe I was more of a siscon than I realised, going on practice dates with someone who resembled Komachi so much. The thought made me chuckle again – Yukinoshita had apparently been right as usual. Too bad for her that I would never tell her, her head is big enough as it is.

Right, back to the problem at hand. Let's try to objectively consider the conundrum and move away from the people involved, starting with the facts as I knew them. Fact one: a pretty and cute girl had been going on practice dates with a boy. Nothing unusual about that as long as we ignore the fact that it was me. Fact two: those dates had been going on for quite some time now. There must be a reason for this, but what could it be?

Fact three: the points received for those dates had slowly but surely been increasing, suggesting a positive development of some sort. Fact four: those two people had been holding hands today. So soft. No, focus! What does this add up to? It would almost seem that the girl liked…. No, but that could not be – especially not considering it was me… oh, trump card! Fact five: the girl liked another guy, a normal and popular guy. And said so repeatedly. I suddenly felt a little bit more cold despite the warm bath. Although now that I thought about it, she had not mentioned Hayama in that capacity for at least the last 5 practice dates. Serves him right for not noticing her while she was right under his nose, idiot.

The question then was, what did these facts add up to? Hmm… logically speaking… theoretically, to be sure… there was an option that maybe, just possibly, despite all the odds…. that the girl… that Isshiki… might like… but surely not…. not with the constant rejections and everything … someone that cute… there was no way that could actually be the case, was there? But if… just if, mind…. How could I find out? And what if it was true? What then?

"Onii-chan!" Komachi's yell from outside the bathroom brutally interrupted my train of thought, just as I was considering exactly how fucked up my life was. "What is it?"

"You have a message on your phone, something about a record amount of points for Senpai?"  
I jumped up out of the bathtub, causing some minor flooding of the floor tiles as I ran to the door. "Give me that!" I said, poking my head and arm around the door, receiving my mobile from my sister who wore a grin as big as half the house. I ignored her and clambered back into the warm water. Seriously, couldn't a guy even enjoy a quiet bath these days? Even in my own house I get no rest! Romcom gods, give me back my peaceful life!

 _*AN: Hachiman's almost there, thanks to Komachi giving him a little push. Hope I managed to write her somewhat OK, she was surprisingly difficult. Next up, another Service Club chapter – we've not seen them as a group for far too long! Might even try it from Iroha's pov if I can manage that. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always, improvements, suggestions and other comments are welcome. Thanks in advance._


	6. CH 6 - Senpai is trouble

**Ch 6 – Senpai is trouble**

 _*AN: here goes nothing, my first attempt at an Iroha POV chapter. Hope this'll work out. Took me ages (sorry), there's reasons for it too (holidays are strangely counterproductive somehow, and life can be a bitch. TBH I am also just enjoying reading all the great stories on here which can take up time too. Ah well, it happens I guess, my apologies for the delay and I hope you enjoy the chapter*._

To work is to lose, Senpai always says, claiming it is pointless. It certainly feels that way sometimes. I have been working so hard to make him fall for me but have nothing to show for it yet. He has not even seemed to notice my efforts at all. How could he possibly be so dense? I had thought that by now even he would have realised that he had piqued my interest, but it would seem not. Senpai is such an idiot. I would say it was one of the reasons why I love him but I rather think it is despite of it rather than because of it.

I let out a deep mental sigh, Senpai was so annoying like this. Not even the hand holding seems to have done the trick. That was fun. It took some effort to get Senpai to cooperate, but I could really get used to that! His hands felt so secure around mine somehow, and while it was a bit embarrassing as I had never done that before, part of me thought it also felt completely natural somehow. Mom claims that is what love does with you, and she should know. Her and dad are still so obviously in love, rely on each other so much. Such a genuine relationship, so cute! If only Senpai and I could have something like that…

Sometimes I feel like I am getting closer and that Senpai is just really scared about the whole thing. But I cannot be certain, he is just so difficult to read. Ugh, he is such a frustrating guy. I guess I will just have to try even harder. I already have the perfect plan lined up too! All I need to do is make Senpai fall into the trap that I have set today, and as hopeless as he is, he is bound to. I guess that deffinitely is one of the reasons why I like senpai: he would never admit it himself, but he really is quite reliable once you get him to actually start on something. With that reliability came a certain amount of predictability, which was something that I could exploit. No, that did not sound quite right, that would be something Senpai would say. It was something that I could use. Yes, better. Besides, anything is fair in love and war, right?

"Yahallo, guess who?" I opened the door to the service club room and strode in. I had just checked my appearance in the bathroom mirror and felt confident that I looked as cute as ever – not that Senpai would say something about that, hopeless idiot. Even if I did catch him stealing the odd glance sometimes. Guys are such morons, and Senpai doubly so.

"Isshiki-san, please knock next time. Would you like some tea as well?" asked Yukinoshita-san, who was apparently in the process of pouring some for the service club trio.

"Yahallo Iroha-chan, nice to have you in again!" Yuigahama beamed at me and gestured me to come and sit down with her. Two positive welcomes in the bag, would Senpai add a third and make my day?

"Yo Isshiki, what do you want this time?" He barely even looked up from his no-doubt trashy novel. Well, that answers that question, I really should have known better.

"Heee? Senpai, you meany!" Seriously, why did I like him again? He always does this to me, it's infuriating. "What makes you think I want something? Can't your favourite kouhai just drop by?"

"Sorry Isshiki-san, it seems that despite my most strenuous efforts, Hikigaya-kun is still not able to grasp even the basics of civility, he truly is a hopeless case". Take that Senpai, totally deserved! Yui-senpai added in as well "Stupid Hikki!".

I decided to confront him about it and moved to stand directly in front of him, ignoring Yukinoshita's warning about contracting Hikki-itis. "Hmpf Senpai, what's your problem today? You seem even more rude than usual somehow!" For good measure, and just to see how he would react, I leaned towards him and softly added "is this how you treat a woman a day after a fun date?"

He glanced at me furtively and held up a hand signalling I should be silent, making me even more angry, before inserting a bookmark and… hah! I got to Senpai again. He was decidedly not looking at me now was definitely blushing, result. He had to clear his throat and everything. "To answer your questions Isshiki, first of all usually when you come here when you need something, and secondly my problem is that these various 'somethings' of yours generally take up a lot of my time somehow. Now it is my turn for a question, when was it decided you were my favourite kouhai?" He swiftly added a whisper "Our practice date you mean? I didn't think you wanted anyone to know about it? Besides, it was practice so it doesn't count does it? Even if it was… fun, I guess".

How dare he! I'll get him for this. Who else could possibly be his favourite kouhai? The nerve! At least he admitted that our date was fun. "Well, can you honestly say that I'm not?" I replied while looking at him in a stern way. There, save yourself from that one, Senpai. For added effect I put my hands on my hips and puffed up my cheeks slightly. One righteously irritated student council president, all yours Senpai.

He glanced longingly at his novel, perhaps wishing it could come to his rescue. Too bad Senpai, you will have to get yourself out of this one. "Well… if you put it like that… I guess I can't say you might not be." He said, fidgeting with his bookmark.

"Yukinon, what does that even mean?" Yui-senpai was at a lost, and to be honest so was I. Senpai did have a way with words sometimes, it was one of his few redeeming qualities I suppose, but it could be confusing too, especially when I was already occupied with furthering my plan.

"You should really work on your grammar, specifically double negatives Yuigahama-san." Came Yukinoshita's response. "Basically, what it comes down to is…." Tell me already Yukinoshita-senpai, so I know whether or not to yell at Senpai! "…Dead-eye-kun over there is not denying Isshiki-sans earlier statement."

Stupid Senpai! Can't you just compliment me like normal people would? Especially after yesterday! You said yourself that it was fun too, even if I had to force it out of you again. Still, a victory is a victory. "Ahh so you admit it now, well, good Senpai!" I rewarded him by striking a cute pose and flashing him my best smile. "Am I now your extra cute favourite kouhai?"

"Isshiki-san, careful. He's still not trained and might resort to his baser instincts any minute!"

"Oy, I'm not that bad woman!" Senpai cut her right of, she'd make him regret that later. "Well.. you are my favourite kouhai until the end of the school year Isshiki."

Yes, result. Wait. What? "Eh, so unfair, why only for such a short time?"

"Because, when Komachi comes to study here next year she will be my number 1 kouhai, naturally!" he stated proudly.

I shared a look with the other two girls. "Siscon" echoed through the clubroom.

"Gross Hikki!"

"Hikigaya-kun, please go outside for a bit. The level of perverseness coming off you is too high for me to endure right now".

Grumbling but seemingly resigned to his fate, he stood up and proceeded to the clubroom door.

Did I spot a hint of a grin there? Wait a moment! This was a calculated move by Senpai to escape. Sneaky Senpai, but it won't work with me here. How could I turn this to my advantage… I still needed more time with him to execute my plan. Ideally alone time..

"Oh wait!" I softly slapped my knuckles to my forehead. "I am such a clutz – I forgot something from the student council room. Senpai can come and help me retrieve it while he is on cool-off duty. See you in a bit Yukinoshita-senpai, Yui-senpai!"

With that I ran off after Senpai, who had been about to shut the door behind him and now suddenly looked nervous again. Good, that is just how I like him after all. Ignoring Yukinoshita's warning to be careful and keep the authorities on speed dial, I closed the door behind us, grinning at Senpai who had a defeated look in his eyes.

"Aren't you glad your favourite kouhai is keeping you company Senpai?" I asked, as we started walking away from the clubroom.

"Are you not simply going to use me for one of your errands again?"

"Well, maybe Senpai, but look at it this way… we are doing it together so it is more fun already." That was rather direct but it was my bait. As I could feel my cheeks reddening slightly from both anticipation and this bold statement of mine, I glanced sideways at Senpai, would he take it?

"Eh… well…. I suppose… that this may be true." Yes, a direct answer.  
"At least in this case". Sigh. Leave it to Senpai to ruin things, hopeless. "Only in this case?"

"Well… it is not exactly unpleasant to have you around most of the time, apart from the work you make me do." My Senpai is such a charmer.. not. This project of mine would need a lot of work.

"Anyway" he continued, as we moved down the stairs towards the first floor, "Isshiki… I ehm… no, never mind".

"What is it Senpai? You can tell your cute kohai surely?" I could let him go first before moving on to what I wanted to discuss with him on the way back if necessary.

"Well.. ehm… I was just wondering" He glanced over his shoulder. "About these practice dates we go on together…" a pause, "…to help you with Hayama eventuall, we've been doing it for a fair bit now, right?"

"Hmm?" Damn, I had to think about this for a bit. That idiot Senpai still thought the dates were for Hayama. Well, to be fair, it did start out that way, maybe. Where would he go with this? This could ruin my plan completely.

"Well, as I said, I was wondering… no, ehm…"

This must be serious, Senpai was at a complete loss for words, usually that would only happen after a particularly bad defeat at the hands of Yukinoshita-senpai. Even then he would look amused and not as focussed as he was right now. I nodded for him to continue, it seems like he needed the encouragement.

"Now" he sighed deeply. "Please do not take this the wrong way and you can consider this for a bit, but I was just wondering Isshiki, if, possibly, you had learned all you could from these practice dates by now".

Oh crap, this was bad. Senpai you idiot! Who put you up to this hmm? Why would you want to stop doing that? Just when we were getting to where I wanted us too.

"So to continue helping you more efficiently, and to show you I am taking responsibility, like you always tell me to…. Well, let's see, how do I put this… why do we not expand from having just practice-dates to having a practice relationship?"

"Eeeeeeeh?!" Where did this come from? Usually I spring the surprise on Senpai instead of the other way around.

"I… I know Isshiki, terrible idea, s… sorry for suggesting it. I should not have brought it u , sorry again, my bad".

"No, no, hold on now Senpai." I frantically waved my hands in front of his face to stop him. "I am just a bit confused and must have misheard you just now, what was that?"

Oh this was excellent. Excellent. Maybe, just maybe, Senpai was not as dense as I always thought he was about these things. Must not grin too widely. Was this really happening or was there some sort of hidden camera nearby and this was a prank by Senpai? Ugh, his cynicism is staring to affect me.

"I said." Senpai started, followed by an audible gulp. "If, given the premise that you must have learned everything you can from our practice dates by now, if we should not try… well… having a practice relationship."

 **-Switch to Hachiman POV-**

Oh god, I actually came out and said it. This is going to end badly, no matter what Komachi told me. I have probably ruined everything now. Romcom gods, give me back my peaceful life!

 _*AN: Another chapter done, will publish the next one when I'm done – definitely quicker than this one. I am aiming for a chapter every two to three weeks, ideally slightly longer than most chapters so far. I can guarantee that I will not drop the story without ending it, there are already too many of those here. As always, feedback and suggestions are appreciated, thanks for reading.*_


	7. Ch 7 - A secret relationship is trouble

**Chapter 7 – A secret (practice) relationship is trouble**

 _* AN: Thanks for all the positive reviews, very motivating! Also many thanks for all the feedback and improvement suggestions, much appreciated. Once I figure out how to respond to reviews on Fanfiction, - if anyone can tell me how this works that would be a help, alternately I will just need to spend some time on it myself - I might get around to actually doing that one of these days. For now, enjoy the new chapter. While far from being on time, it was quicker than the last one… optimism. *_

To work is to lose, I reflected. It was, as of yet, still my motto, but it might need revision sometime soon the way things were going. As the late afternoon sun set and illuminated Sobu High's school grounds, I was sitting in my favourite spot enjoying a can of Max – oh bliss! - and a rare moment of relaxation, peace and quiet. Yes, that's right. Hikigaya Hachiman these days only has rare moments of solitude and rest. The only logical conclusion: somewhere, my life somehow went terribly wrong.

Yes, I am perfectly aware of the fact that my life so far has not been too thrilling, from my fairly horrible middle-school period (let's not even go there, cough Orimoto cough), to my flawed start at Sobu (is it too late to sue the Yukinoshita's out of enough money to never have to work?), to being forced to join in this whole Service Club thing (thanks again Sensei!). All of this was moderately inconvenient, but these days my troubles are simply too much. I would have thought that Isshiki would quickly turn down my suggestion of a pretence relationship, which admittedly would have been less than great, but at least that would have been the end of it.

But no. That sly kouhai of mine accepted, which of course, on the whole, on balance, I suppose I am mostly glad about – at least some of the time. I seem to have 'won' Isshiki, if a practice relationship counts as winning, but no one told me that this whole 'practice relationship' thing would involve so much work – aka loss. Which brings me to my earlier thought, if this continues I may need to change my motto to: to work is to lose, but when unavoidable, try to draw. Draws are acceptable, mainly because most of the time they require less work than losing outright. A simple matter of energy conversation, which, with the way this world's energy resources are going, should get me a medal or something. The fact that I did not have one yet simply proves my point that this world is corrupt and needs changing. Ideally not by me, as that would involve work. Yukinoshita would probably volunteer, though I somehow doubt that my medal would be high on her priority list.

Of course, I know better than to share this whole 'draw-rather-than-lose, pretence-relationships-are-tiring' sentiment with Komachi or, even worse, Isshiki. I have learned something about human interaction by now. They would probably mutter about me complaining all the time and team up on me, likely getting Yukinoshita and Yuigahama involved as well, and then where would I be? The thought of all effort that would cost me alone is nerve-wracking. No, better for me to suffer heroically in silence. And by better I mean, less work, obviously. A draw, if you will. Huh, maybe there is some hope left for me after all as long as I stay quiet.

"Senpaaaaai"

The source of most of my work and worries these days was walking towards me from the main building, waving enthusiastically. Still, I guess if I am honest I do not mind it overly much – as long as I am compensated with, just a random example, enough Max Coffee. Or, more frequently these days, something resembling a compliment. Turns out getting those can be as addictive as Max coffee, who knew? Plus, the smile Isshiki was wearing while walking towards me was a reward in and of itself. Wait, am I turning into a normie?! Totsuka, save me from this mediocre fate.

"Yo, Isshiki."

"Senpai, we talked about this you knoooow. It's like our first practice date all over again, hmpf!"

So much for that smile, which was quickly replaced by an annoyed look and puffed cheeks. Oops. Way to go Hachiman.

"Sorry Isshiki, force of habit, what I meant to say was, of course 'Hello Isshiki, so nice of you to come find me this afternoon, oh, and your hair looks lovely today'."

We had indeed talked about this, if by talked you mean 'me listening while being repeatedly told what to do in specific situations by Isshiki'. Apparently this would occur on a semi-regular basis and was, and I quote: "Part of most relationships Senpai, trust me on this ok?" She was almost as bad as Yukinoshita, the only difference being the latter would probably have used a PowerPoint presentation to help drive her point across. This point being my 'Hiki-loner (she had borrowed that term from a certain Ice Queen) and non-boyfriend-like behaviour when alone'.

"There, Senpai, that wasn't so hard now was it? You can do it if you try I suppose."

A rough pat on my back accompanied that compliment. For me this was high praise, I'll take what I can get. I was not quite sure how to respond to that, so I just nodded.

"Geez, Senpai. Such enthousiasm, and I am looking so cute today too. Ah well, I guess Senpai will be Senpai, hehe".

By mutual agreement established shortly after entering our practice-relationship, we decided to try and keep it a secret for now. I was just worried that her reputation would suffer. She had said something that sounded suspiciously like 'wanting you to myself without any fuss' whatever that might mean, but I was mostly operating on autopilot at that point, too bemused by the fact she had actually agreed to my crazy proposal. Either way, we had concluded that for now, this was the safest way forward. Apart from the two of us, only Komachi knew we were practice-dating.

Having said that, my cute little sister has since developed the annoying habit of drawing quotation marks in the air whenever I talk about our practice-relationship, suggesting all sorts of things while grinning like a maniac. I blame dad for not raising her more strictly. Anyway, the main upside of this whole secrecy thing was that I could be my normal loner self as soon as more people showed up so as to not arouse suspicion in others, and thereby avoid some of Isshiki's more… enthousiastic habits and devious tendencies.

"Yahallo Iroha-chan, Hikki, what are you two doing out here?" A wild Yuigahama suddenly appeared.

Good question. We glanced at each other and nodded, agreement reached.

"Senpai was just being his depressing loner self so I thought I would cheer him up a bit, tee-hee".

"Isshiki was just asking me for my help with some student council work".

Or not.

"Ehhh?" Yuigahama was all confused now, and so was I to tell the truth. Seems like Isshiki and I misinterpreted that shared look. Luckily Yuigahama would never catch on. Now, if Yukinoshita had been here we would have been in trouble indeed.

"What brings you here Yuigahama?" That should distract her.

"Eh? Oh, well ehmm.." Yuigahama paused, hesitating and pulling at a strand of her hair distractedly.

"I need… I need Hikki to help me out this weekend with ehm, stuff." She was fidgeting around with her school bag for some reason, not quite looking at us. I got the impression she was nervous.

Why is it always me? Ask one of your normie friends Yuigahama… my weekends are precious to me. I get to lounge around, spend time with Komachi, laze around, dream of Totsuka, laze around and generally hang around doing nothing. You get the point, good times. I would have to kindly but firmly let her down on this one.

"Yuigahama, .." I started, but I got interrupted.

"Senpai cannot help you as he will be assisting me with student council work at my place". Isshiki was trying to smile peevishly at Yuigahama while she said this. "Sorry Yui-senpai, but I really need Senpai with me this weekend. We just discussed that earlier, isn't that right Senpai?" She started pulling at my sleeve and gave me a sly wink.

How was this a solution woman? This would still take up my precious free time… oh wait, there was no way this was really a thing. Going over to her place to help out? As if. Besides, we had not talked about anything like this at all so Isshiki was probably just helping me escape from Yuigahama. Practice relationships truly are the best thing since the invention of Max coffee!

"Ye… yes that's right, sorry Yuigahama". I nodded emphatically so as to emphasise the truthfulness of this statement. I truly was a master of body language and communication when I wanted to be.

"I guess it can't be helped then.. good luck with your student council work Iroha-chan. Oh, and Hikki?".

"Yes?"

"You will be helping me next weekend then." Elegant as always, she stuck out her tongue at me. With that, Yuigahama took her leave, leaving behind a chuckling Isshiki and a dejected me wondering about why fate was this cruel to me. Did I not get a say in this? This was tyranny! I sighed deeply.

"I guess there is no escaping next weekend then… Thanks for saving my free time this week at least Isshiki. Oh, I can't wait to lounge around all day on Sunday…" Ah, such blissful thoughts.

"Senpai, first off… stop it with that creepy look. I don't know what you are imagining but I suddenly recall Yukinoshita-senpai warning me about some of your baser instincts, I know we are dating but even so…."

Seriously, you are as bad as Komachi Isshiki! It's practice dating, remember it or I will mix it up too, and then where will we be? I am a guy you know. Still, in this mood it was better not to correct my practice girlf… no, no, girlfriend. This was a mildly embarrassing thought to be sure, but some time ago I once called Isshiki my practice girlfriend, after which she told me that this was not an acceptable term, and using it again would result in very painful retaliatory measures. Apparently something about the term seemed to apply that I was using her. When I suggested it was more usually the other way around she failed to see the problem with that. Cost me two practice dates in expenses, calling her that. Again, so unfair.

"Senpai… Senpai! Jeeez. Pay attention to your cute kouhai girlfriend will you…. You and your inner monologues."

"Sorry Isshik.i" Apparently I sounded sufficiently guilty, as she merely huffed once before continuing.

"As I was saying Senpai.. Secondly, you will not be lounging around on Sunday as you will be helping me with student council work at my place. And here I thought you were clever Senpai, don't tell me I am the beauty as well as the brains in this relationship?"

"Wait… I thought you said that just to save me from a weekend with Yuigahama?"

"Well Senpai… I did want to keep you from spending lots of time with girls who are NOT your girlfriend, unlike me… but there IS actually quite a lot of work that I could use your help with…."

"But my free time…" I muttered.

This, apparently, was not a valid argument, or so I deduced from the unimpressed look Isshiki shot me. I had better find another avenue of escape.

"But I don't even know where your house is…."

"Oh, that's easily solved Senpai – I'll come and pick you up. Knowing you, you'd get lost on the way or something otherwise." A resolute counterattack, 2-0 for Isshiki. But I was not out of the game yet.

"But, it is your house…. Isn't that a bit… you know…." I blushed, and after a moment, so did Isshiki.

"Well, it might be…" Isshiki started, hesitantly. Yes, result! All right, lazy Sunday here I come.

"But Senpai, it seemed like a good way you know…"

"A good way to what?"

"Celebrate our first month together Senpai! Just how insensitive are you?!" Gone was the earlier hesitation, in its place was anger. For those of you who have never experienced this force of nature, let me tell you.. Miura had a contender for the title of Fire Queen of Sobu High. She continued with her rant in what I can only describe as a spiteful tone.

"But if you are that set against it… well, maybe you should got shopping with Yui-senpai instead. Go see if I care. And I even asked Komachi for your favourite foods so mom and I could prepare it too…"

I sighed, knowing when I had been defeated. More than slightly scared still, especially now that she had mentioned her mother (would there be a father too? Better look up the emergency number in advance!) I held up my hands and resignedly asked Isshiki.  
"What time should I be ready for you to pick me up?"

"Good Senpai! 10.30 will do nicely." The anger was gone instantly… I had been played. Again.

"Why you little…." I growled.

"Tee-hee." Isshiki responded, getting up and running towards the school gate. "Catch me if you can Senpai!"

I quickly looked around, no one… so I chased after her. It may not have been my normal life, but running after Isshiki like this – just once, mind - was, dare I say it, fun.

Of course, I should have known better than to expect this to last. Shortly after Isshiki entered a hallway, she and I were both red in the face, out of breath and roughly apprehended by a very angry looking Hiratsuka-Sensei upon turning a corner. "Now, Isshiki…. Hikigaya…. You do know the school policy about running in the hallways right? The explanation for this had better be good, or else…" She cracked her knuckles.

I take back what I said earlier… running was not fun at all, and neither were Hiratsuka's wrath and detention. Romcom gods, please give me back my peaceful life!

 _*AN: And that's a wrap for this chapter. Really surprised with how that turned out, not sure how that happened. Last bit may have been a bit OOC for 8man... but I was thinking I could sell it as either a spur of the moment or character development... I dunno. Let me know what you think. A house visit up next… this should be interesting… as soon as I figure out what to do with Isshiki's mom and dad character-wise. As always, thanks for reading – I hope it was a fun chapter to read. Oh, and thank you for writing your own fabulous FanFic stories!*_


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